Healing

I have been thinking a lot about healing this month. This June marks a 9 yr anniversary for me. Wow..9 yrs...I can't believe it's been that long. Anyway....

In June 2003 I was diagnosed with a hemorrhagic pituitary adenoma. Which is a very long way of saying I had a benign brain tumor made from a clotted hemorrhage, on my pituitary glad. I was 19. I had been very very sick the year or so leading up to the diagnosis.  I couldn't keep any food down, I way down to 89 lbs, I was nearly blind in my left eye, and my hormones where all over the freaking place,I also had blinding headaches...everyday! My body was wasting away, I looked emaciated...it was awful. 

The doctors refused to believe that I wasn't bulimic, they did even look for another cause for my problems. My family thought I was bulimic or crazy or both. I had aunts telling my mom to admit me to a psych ward. I finally went to an eye doctor for some new glasses and within five minutes of looking at my optic nerve he knew the problem was not my eye. He could see that something was pushing the optic nerve. He set me up with a specialist, who got me an appt for an MRI and the next day we had a diagnosis!! 

I was almost relieved to find out it was a brain tumor. You see I was starting to believe I was going mad...crazy...off my rocker. And I was scared. So with I diagnosis we now had a seemingly simple action plan. I was scheduled for surgery 5 day later. I was told I had one of the best neurosurgeons in the state. The surgery is pretty simple but intense. They basically go under your top lip, make an incision, peel your lip back from your face, take out a bone, and then go through the nasal cavity back into the brain. Yes I know..super cool...and gross. The surgery was a success, the recovery was not. Due to incompetence I was nearly killed after the surgery. They prepared my family for the worst. But...

It was not in God's plan for me to die that day. I woke form the comatose state. I was ok! I still have health problems. My body no longer makes any of the hormones you all so freely enjoy. I have to take meds for them or just live without them.  My life expectancy is shorted than most, and I will most likely never be able to have my own child. It was hard to hear those words at 19...it's still hard sometimes. 

But I serve an amazing God. The great physician, the author and perfecter of my faith. And I know that his plans are greater than any medical problems I could ever have. I try to live a life that is worthy of the gift of healing I was given. I sometimes feel guilty because so many people (amazing people with huge faith) that aren't healed. I don't know why God chose to heal me, I don't know what his plan for me is. But everyday I try to live as much as I can....live for Him as much as I can.