New start

I recently got a new job. I was at my old job for eight years. I use to love it. I loved going to work everyday. Then a couple years ago some things changed. The changes affected my coworkers and myself. I became unhappy where I was. So I left. God dropped an opportunity in my lap and I took it. I was so nervous to leave my former job. I almost puked on my last day cause I was freaking out. I was so worried I had made the wrong choice but still I left. That was on a Tuesday. Wednesday came and I stared my new job. The change in how I felt was almost immediate. I didn't realize how angry, bitter, and unhappy I was until I was out of the environment. It was like a weight was being lifted. It was like I could breath again. It is a wonderful feeling. I am still nervous about some things. Like not having insurance for a while, and learning all the new stuff. But I know i will be fine. I stepped out in faith even though I was scared and I know God will see me through. That being said, for all my praying peeps, pray I don't get hurt or sick in the next 90 days. :) I have no idea why I am sharing this. Hopefully it will encourage someone to do something they fear. I would also like to put it out there, if you are unhappy at your job find something else. Even if you are comfortable in the misery...leave..it feels AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D  

Respect the sex

We talked about purity and sexual sin tonight at youth group. It is a topic near and dear to my heart. As a 28 year old virgin I take the command to be pure seriously. I am very passionate about it, and unlike some adults, I love talking to the teens about sex and how to live a pure life. Cause it's all well and good to read them 1 Corinthians 6:18,  (Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body)but it's another ball game all together to have them understand it and apply it to their lives. 

It is a hard thing to teach them, especially when they are bombarded every day with sex. It's everywhere, almost all the time. It's impossible to avoid it, and you can't isolate yourself from everyone. How do you teach purity to a girl who's mom allows them to wear shorts that look like they should be underwear. Or how do you keep a boy from watching porn when his parents allow him a laptop in his room. It seems like with a lot of my kids there is little to no accountability at home. I don't get it. How can I impart to them the importance of purity in thoughts, actions, and dress when it isn't reinforced at home or school. This is an actual question, not a rhetorical one. Does anyone have any pointers?

I worry that sex isn't held in very high regard anymore. I think sex is a VERY big deal. It was made by God for us enjoy. Not to be treated as trivial. A lot of people see it as no big deal. It's normal and encouraged to explore sex and your sexuality. I'm not saying we should go back to the Victorian era and treat it as shameful but I think people need to start respecting it again. 

Ok...I'm done venting now. Have a blessed day

Peace LLL

Healing

I have been thinking a lot about healing this month. This June marks a 9 yr anniversary for me. Wow..9 yrs...I can't believe it's been that long. Anyway....

In June 2003 I was diagnosed with a hemorrhagic pituitary adenoma. Which is a very long way of saying I had a benign brain tumor made from a clotted hemorrhage, on my pituitary glad. I was 19. I had been very very sick the year or so leading up to the diagnosis.  I couldn't keep any food down, I way down to 89 lbs, I was nearly blind in my left eye, and my hormones where all over the freaking place,I also had blinding headaches...everyday! My body was wasting away, I looked emaciated...it was awful. 

The doctors refused to believe that I wasn't bulimic, they did even look for another cause for my problems. My family thought I was bulimic or crazy or both. I had aunts telling my mom to admit me to a psych ward. I finally went to an eye doctor for some new glasses and within five minutes of looking at my optic nerve he knew the problem was not my eye. He could see that something was pushing the optic nerve. He set me up with a specialist, who got me an appt for an MRI and the next day we had a diagnosis!! 

I was almost relieved to find out it was a brain tumor. You see I was starting to believe I was going mad...crazy...off my rocker. And I was scared. So with I diagnosis we now had a seemingly simple action plan. I was scheduled for surgery 5 day later. I was told I had one of the best neurosurgeons in the state. The surgery is pretty simple but intense. They basically go under your top lip, make an incision, peel your lip back from your face, take out a bone, and then go through the nasal cavity back into the brain. Yes I know..super cool...and gross. The surgery was a success, the recovery was not. Due to incompetence I was nearly killed after the surgery. They prepared my family for the worst. But...

It was not in God's plan for me to die that day. I woke form the comatose state. I was ok! I still have health problems. My body no longer makes any of the hormones you all so freely enjoy. I have to take meds for them or just live without them.  My life expectancy is shorted than most, and I will most likely never be able to have my own child. It was hard to hear those words at 19...it's still hard sometimes. 

But I serve an amazing God. The great physician, the author and perfecter of my faith. And I know that his plans are greater than any medical problems I could ever have. I try to live a life that is worthy of the gift of healing I was given. I sometimes feel guilty because so many people (amazing people with huge faith) that aren't healed. I don't know why God chose to heal me, I don't know what his plan for me is. But everyday I try to live as much as I can....live for Him as much as I can.

My first go

Well...I did it. I broke down and started a blog! I have no idea what will end up on this site or how often I will post. Hopefully a lot. I hope you will bear with me as I figure this out. 

 I have felt the need to express and create so this is as good a place to start as any.

 God is changing things in my life. I'm not sure what or why...I'm hoping he'll tell me soon. He kept me home form mission trips this summer. Which is just weird..I always go on mission trips. I have also started to feel the need to be domestic. I don't know if it's from living alone or what, but suddenly I feel the need to learn how to cook and things like that. I'm fairly certain the two are not related but they're the most noticeable changes. 

Also my heart has been lonely lately. A friend quoted an author I can't remember now, she said that a lonely heart is God drawing us to intimacy with Him. So I've been trying to draw closer to God. It's been hard. I keep getting distracted. That's part of why I wanted to start the blog. So I have a place to put my thoughts out there. We'll see how it goes. 

Peace LLL